So the job.
Last October my brother was pushing for me to apply for a position at his work, which I did, and went to an interview, but I didn't get the job. Then the same position came up again about a month ago, and again, he pushed for me to try. I wasn't really that interested, I felt like I wasn't qualified at all, and the lady from the first interview said the job was HIGH PRESSURE and I was like erm, that doesn't sound great at all. But my brother was insistent, so I obliged.
I got another interview which was just torture. The first interview back in October was only about 20 minutes with one person. This one was ONE HOUR with THREE PEOPLE. Apparently, it was the talk of the clinic, they were wondering why the interview was going on so long.
But I guess I made a good enough impression that they decided to offer me the job. I found out later that they actually interviewed lots of other people, but went with me. I was still on the fence about if this job was right for me one part because I felt under qualified and the other part being it meant uprooting my whole routine that I've carefully curated over ten years...
Let that sink in a bit guys. TEN YEARS.
Ten years ago I was 25
Ten years ago Neil and I had only been dating 1 year
Ten years of wearing bootcut jeans, graphic tees, and sneakers.
Ten years of sitting at the same desk.
Ten years of (mostly) solitude.
Ten years of the same coworkers.
Ten years of the same start and end time.
Ten years of the exact same typing and more typing.
Ten years of being my own boss, setting my own pace, master of my domain.
But then they told me what I would be making per hour and I was like girl, you need to at least try 'cause that is a pretty good boost to your income.
I know I live in an economic bubble here in Silicon Valley where you are lucky to find a one bedroom for 1500/month, daycare is about that much (or more!) for one kid a month, and three-bedroom homes rent for almost 4000. And I know I'm pretty lucky to have purchased a home before the prices went up a whole bunch.
But my house is still pretty expensive, with all the stupid leaking walls and various fix-its, and the property taxes, so I've been feeling like I never have any money for anything and have (shamefully) accrued a bit more debt again. So this was definitely a motivating factor that I need to make more money. And for the record, I was making $15.38 at my Data Entry job with no chance of any future raise. You can start at McDonald's here for $11.50 to put that into perspective. I'm not sure what minimum wage is in other places. Like I said, I live in a bubble.
So I said yes to the job. One hundred percent out of my comfort zone. I was a nervous, sweaty ball of anxiety after saying yes. I forgot that my routine kept all that in check, and now with it all going topsy-turvy (at least from my perspective), my brain was going WHACK. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't take a shower without doing the silent-shame-cry-on-the-shower-floor (please tell me I'm not that only one that does this). My current life had made it easy to minimalism my anxiety, to make myself think it wasn't as bad as I use to think. HA. This is my face after getting off the phone and accepting the job:
I accepted the job on a Friday, so had three weekends before I had to start my new job. And trust me, I was counting each and every one of them. I couldn't enjoy them though, I spent each one an anxiety mess, barely socializing and barely doing any of my normal chores (I got SO BEHIND ON LAUNDRY, OMG. I'm surprised my husband didn't complain). My last day at my old job was really tough, I was trying not to cry (fail) and just get through the day.
Before I knew it, the first day of my new job as Clinic Coordinator arrives. I go through HR and finish up necessary paperwork, take a horrible photo that I didn't know was going to show up on all my emails (whoops) I thought it was just for my ID, and then go to my workstation to be trained. Two girls are already there with that job, but one is going on maternity leave, and the other is getting married and will be gone for three weeks, and after that will be transferring to the other location. So I have about one month to learn the job then be on my own until the one comes back from her honeymoon. No pressure.
The first day. What can I say about the first day.
Just that I came home and sobbed myself to sleep. Like, full on ugly cry, body shaking sobbing. My husband tried to console me (but had to hold back a laugh when I cried out "I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE" which is an Arrested Development quote that he loves, but I wasn't trying to be funny). The last time I cried like that was when my turtle went missing for a week. Have I shared that story before? Anyways, the job seemed so OVERWHELMINGLY STRESSFUL and difficult! And I just didn't think I would ever manage to learn it in the time I needed to learn it.
I feel like I just can't explain properly what makes the job so involved. There are three different computer programs, two of which have calendars, but one calendar has a zillion different ways to view it depending on what you are doing or looking for, you have to interact with the doctors from the onsite clinic, doctors from the offsite clinics/hospitals, the social workers, the nurses, the geriatric aids, the participants, and the participants families all in person/phone/email... It's an all day thing and very exhausting.
I have no time for anything like being on my phone 80% of the time like my Data Entry job. No more party planning, no more meal planning, no more blog planning... all that has to be done after work or on the weekend now. Like, I have a real job now guys.
I woke up the next morning with my eyes super red and swollen. Gah, how embarrassing. I told myself, hey, this is your life just for right now. And right now always goes so fast. You can always go back to your old job (but really you shouldn't), just try to think of time in little chunks, the first chunk being this week. They don't expect you to actually do anything but take notes, so it's like getting paid to go to class. You can manage that.
And by the next Monday, I got into the car after a long day at my new job, and was able to smile and say to Neil "Today was a good day." And he looked at me and said, you need to just listen to me, I told you that you could handle this job. I don't know if I would go that far, but on that second Monday, things finally started clicking into place.
This little introvert is having to be so very involved with people all day not sure how I'm going to manage to recharge to the level I was used to! I'm going to guess that is a not ever going to happen thing. At least my husband has gotten a new game so I can just veg on the couch in silence. Well, I mean, with listening to the game and him getting frustrated with it. And Izze thinking every bag has cat treats in it so she has to bite and rip them open. THAT BAG JUST HAS DORITOS IN IT STAHP IT YOU DON'T LIKE DORITOS.
Here is a link to all my outfits from the first two weeks that I took photos of to try to distract myself a little each morning.
I also had to get a physical and a TB shot. If it isn't obvious I have hospital anxiety, getting my blood pressure measured GIVES ME HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. Also I almost passed out and the doctor thought I had anemia. It was a fantastic day:
And a second TB shot because apparently one isn't enough torture. Two is the new rule, it wasn't because I had a weird result or anything. Just thought I'd make that clear.
I'm sure this whole process has taken a few years off my life but let's hope it was all worth it, ha.