Friday, February 12, 2016

The Epic Fart

You know how there is a first time of everything in a relationship? First date, first kiss, first arguement...this story is about the first time my husband farted in front of me. 

Yes, I have a story of that. And weirdly, I remember this moment much more clear than our "official" first date. Ha.

It's also weird to think there was a time he did not fart CONSTANTLY. I swear, this man is full of gas at all times. Part of it is his lactose intolerance, which he refuses to admit is a problem. His love of cheese supersedes any toilet issues. 

So the fart. 

We were still in the early stages of our relationship, it was before I moved in but after we officially became a couple, so I'm thinking about four months of knowing each other. We are laying on his futon mattress that is directly on the ground, little more than a glorified rug really, chatting and cuddling, when IT happens.
My thought process:
1st second: Oh, I'm going to be polite and pretend I didn't hear anything.
2nd second: Ok, awkward, how am I going to pretend I didn't hear this... (but at this point conversation has stalled and all that can be heard is this fart)
3rd second: Is this really happening right now???
4th second: I don't even know how to act. What do I do? I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION BEFORE. HALP.

At this point I am giggling like crazy and so is he and he decides to just own it and lifts his leg up at the end making it change it's tone to a loud trumpet. Like it seriously just kept going, and getting louder.

I tell him I think that is the longest fart I've ever heard.

His first fart turned out to be his most epic one for duration and loudness and varied tone. I'm thinking it's because he was holding it in and just couldn't any longer.

The whole situation was just absurdly funny.

You'd think I would be comfortable to pass gas in front of him as well, but I'm not! So far he has been really polite when it does happen, and doesn't mention it but it's still so embarrassing. He is not embarrassed with his, and will fart even when our friends are over now. Lucky them.


  1. OMG, I can't stop laughing!! The fart so epic it started a marriage.

    And cheese supersedes almost everything.

    1. my friend jokes that she should have used this story in a speech at our wedding ;) "they knew it was love since the first fart..."

  2. Aw! It's hilarious but really pretty cute.

    1. My husband hasn't read it yet I don't think but he was amused when I told him I was going to write about it... WE HAVE A FART STORY SO CUTE. ha.