Monday, October 12, 2015
1. My turtle is a creature of habit. He even takes the same route around the yard every day to the point there are now distinct trails that you can see.
2. My turtle was sleeping in position 1 in the diagram for about a week.
3. I have disturbed my sleeping turtle before, in frustration that he was sleeping in the corner and not his hut, and he gets very upset and just charges in a different direction if you don't stop bothering him. (His first instinct at being pulled is to dig in farther wherever he is at making it very difficult to drag him.)
5. I went to position 1, the corner, first on Saturday morning to try to coax him out of that place so I could start building my wall. He wasn't there, but a footprint was. PANIC SETS IN. SOMEONE STOLE MY TURTLE.
5. I find him in position 2, in front of the branches. This tells me something disturbed his sleep and he just charged forward until he hit an obstacle.
6. He has never slept in this spot before. Like I said, my turtle doesn't do new things.
7. If a raccoon or something disturbed him (so far, the raccoons DGAF about turtle), only turtle feet scrapes would be visible in the soft dirt in the corner, not a footprint.
8. Therefore, the footprint appeared AFTER my turtle had changed positions. Or even if you want to argue that he decided to sleep in position 2 and was never in position 1 (which this is stupid and you are wrong, but let's roll with it for the sake of argument), then:
9. Why would a footprint be there? I haven't stepped there to move him in forever, and he has slept in that corner for the past five days or so, digging. Only turtle marks should be there. I know this because I check on him EVERY MORNING before I go to work, and Friday morning he was asleep in the corner (he doesn't wake up until about 10 am and I leave at 8 am).
10. The footprint was small, but the tread wasn't the same as my outside shoes or my converse. They looked more like boot treads. My neighbor is not a big guy, and wears boots.
11. My neighbor has admitted to jumping our fence to figure out what dinosaur monster we had living in the backyard when he first moved in. (you can see my turtles feet underneath the front gate)
CASED CLOSED, MUTHER-FUCKER.