Sunday, July 5, 2015

Sunday Confessions 7-5-15

The United States of Becky
Table

We had sex on our dining room table. Sorry people who use it. It was our first time, which is surprising. It was the perfect height and he was able to put the fan on there to keep himself cool. I have some bruises on my lower back but that's a given. I always assume that people have had sex on everything in their homes, so it doesn't skeeve me out sitting on peoples couches. But maybe everyone doesn't think that way so ... if it does bother you: don't sit on our couch. Don't use our dining room table either. Or use the kitchen counters. Or the stairs. Or shower. Or computer room floor. We haven't had sex outside, so that's safe. Don't try to act like you're not interested! All of my friends have asked the question "but...how do you...have....sex?" once seeing the size difference between us. They aren't asking for the nitty gritty details, just the logistics (I'm assuming???). He is larger than me in every sense of the word, personality included, so we do have to get a bit creative sometimes and furniture really helps with that. 
Throw Pillows

Guys, I might have a problem. This is my third "set" of throw pillows since moving into this house. They are definitely the most comfortable ones yet! My husband really didn't like the other ones I had because he felt they were too stiff. I was playing Cards Against Humanity with some friends, and they used the card "throw pillows" on me, which of course I picked because, hello, pillows. I LOVE THEM. I wish these current ones were also available in a teal color, I was trying to make the living room a cream/brown/teal color combo but now I have all this purple. In case you are wondering, the pillows, blanket, and rug have all come from Costco. Welcome to Costco, I love you.


Dream

If you hate hearing about other people's dreams, stop reading now, cause I totally understand. I had a dream that Neil and I went to Hawaii and he was also getting surgery done there in conjunction with our holiday. He brought his blood/tissue donor with him, an outsider. In my dreamland, this was a bone of contention with the residents of Hawaii, because there was a group that had previously relied on the income of being donors for that hospital there (guess it was a paying gig). While I was waiting at our hotel (Real Life Neil was indignant that Dream Heather was not at the hospital with Dream Neil, and I told him HE WAS MISSING THE POINT) the angry Hawaiian ex-donor mob raided the hospital and murdered everyone (outside donors included) in the hospital wing my husband was in. It was very sad and traumatic and I woke up crying. I had another dream the following night of me being at my moms with a new kitten, so he was joking that my subconscious has murdered him and he will no longer be in any more of my dreams, and maybe my dreams have been a continuous story this whole time! Focus Neil, I HAVE THE SADS AND YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MURDERED.  (Though weirdly, Dream Heather seemed a little too focused on how to relay the information to our friends and so she sent a mass email that was like, two sentences long).

5 comments:

  1. All I could think of is this scene in this movie! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm93ELyLN1w And I can't allow myself to think about big man small woman sex because my aunt is 4'11 and uncle is 6'4" so yeah not going there! Eeew, sorry! But you go girl! ;-)

    Getting the throw pillows right is hard, they need to be smushy enough but not too smushy, feel your pain! Dreams are just crazy, so often it's like "Where did that even come from?!" I totally have woken up pissed at dream husband though for bad behavior!

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    1. HAHAHA omgosh that clip was funny! Never seen the film but might have to. Don't think of relatives doing it!!! Awkward!! They have even more of a height difference, that's crazy. My brother still laughs at us if we are out and about somewhere. He likes to walk behind us and giggle, he says we look ridiculous. Younger brothers.

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    2. Great clip! That was hilarious!

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  2. Awesome confessions - I've had the same throw pillows for about 9 years now. I don't even know why - I'm not particularly attached to them, I just never get around to buying new ones. They are kinda comfy for sleeping on, so there's that. I just assume everyone has sex everywhere.

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    1. Before this house, I don't remember buying pillows at all. I have had this couch for over six years now (it was one of my first purchases with my husband was boyfriend then), and we just used the throw pillows from the PREVIOUS couch which was a used one from some friends. So this throw pillow addiction is new. We still have those old throw pillows from the old couch by the way. Neil likes to use them cause he doesn't want to mess up the new pillows.

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