Monday, June 8, 2015

Stuff your girlfriend does that annoys you...

I've been reading some more Reddit forums. I'm not an avid Reddit reader, it still confuses me, but if I find a link to it from another article, I will go over there. And this one: "stuff your girlfriend does that annoys you" is full of wtfuckery. There are a few items that get repeated:

"I'm fine"
Okay, guilty as charged! But usually when I'm asked if I'm upset (because after spending any amount of time around someone you do notice when something is "off"), and I say "I'm fine" what I really mean is "I'm not ready to discuss it, I am upset but I am still ruminating on my feelings and discussing it right now would be premature." Though... when I'm upset, can I really think and communicate that clearly? No. But I should work on trying to do so.

Not taking a compliment. "You look awesome" "Really, even with these love handles?"
Ah, okay, I do this too to some degree. I just feel like its almost made in a mocking way or he is feeling guilty for something and trying to compensate for it? Which is not a great way to think because there is no evidence for this. Now I try to say "thank you" or "I know, I look awesome" in response. Basically, I just copy his responses to my compliments to him.

Needing constant validation and compliments, but not giving them.
I always tell my husband how cute he is (usually about his butt), or if I like a color on him, or his hair... So many things! Why wouldn't you? I love him, and I want him to feel good about himself. Plus, I actually really mean those things. I chose him as a husband, I must like him too! Treat your guy how you want to be treated!

Don't let them play video games.
There is a line between obsession and hobby, but the complaints don't seem to be about obsession. Both parties should have activities that they enjoy that don't have to involve the other person. Again, I feel its a respect thing. You are not a princess, he is not there to wait on you hand a foot and give you his undivided attention whenever you feel the whim. Like when he chooses to play a video game. I have stuff I want to do without him, so it's great that we both have stuff we can entertain ourselves with.

Where do you want to eat? I don't care, you pick? How about X? Ugh, no. Then where do you want to eat? I said I don't care!
What the fuck is this even. Don't do this. I tell my husband I don't care, because I really don't. I feel that I pick our dinners that I make (which involves meal planning, grocery shopping, food prepping, and then the actual cooking: so way more involved than just picking "taco bell"), so I'm off the hook picking meals I'm not cooking. I feel I have already done my share of picking and now it's his turn! I already have a menu to decide and pick from once we do pick a place, so in my mind, that is double choices. And my husband is the more particular one about food. If I actually do have a rare instance of somewhere I want to eat, I will tell him.  

Not being on time.
Nope, never! I hate being late! Purposely being late is incredibly disrespectful to everyone involved, why would you do that? You're an adult and don't know how to manage your time? Ugh on you.

Getting mad from dreams. Like, seriously mad ALL DAY.
HAHAHAHAHA omg you crazy fuck. I have had "bad" dreams, and so has my husband, but we understand these are insecurities manifested, and we give hugs and apologize they had THE DREAM but everyone involved knows its not the other persons fault. One morning I did decide to defend Dream Heather (my husband had a dream I was mad at him) and told him after consideration, I think it was his fault. Dream Heather would never get mad unless he did something ;) all tongue in cheek of course.

Not ordering the fries/dessert then eating his.
Um, I will order my own fries and dessert, thank you very much. Neil accuses me of eating "his" fries when we get drive through and I eat a couple of fries out of the bag on the way home, but there are always TWO orders of fries in the bag, and I very rarely finish mine, so in reality he gets 1.5 amount of fries even with the five or less I eat in the car. So I feel like I do not do this one. If I want fries/dessert, I'm getting fries/dessert. I might even share. Maybe.

I feel fat/Do I look fat? So you respond yes, maybe you should exercise. Argument ensues.
Someone in the forum articulated this better than I EVER COULD and it's so amazing:

This is a classic example of wires getting crossed in communication. She transmits a message on the emotional circuit, you pick it up as a message on the rational circuit, you send her back a response from that same circuit, which gets transcoded into her emotional circuit. You both end up confused because these messages seem rather odd when the wrong circuit picks them up.

In your mind:
Her: I have a problem I can't figure out how to solve.
You: Here is the obvious solution.
Her: That solution is unacceptable to me.
You: In that case, the next logical step is to simply accept the problem.

In her mind:
Her: I am feeling down on myself and I am reaching out to you for comfort.
You: These negative thoughts you have about yourself are actually quite accurate. You need fixing.
Her: Now I feel even worse about myself.
You: You should feel even worse about yourself.
So, I think if you ever feel insecure, you should just say that. Say "I am feeling down on myself and I am reaching out to you for comfort." Be more specific. Saying you "feel fat" doesn't mean the same thing. I had a guy ask me once (yes, A GUY) if he looked fat, and I looked at him, and said yeah, you have a bit of a belly going on. And he got mad at me and said in a huff, I AM NOT FAT. WTF guy. You asked me if you were fat, and you are very obviously carrying some extra weight, so I don't get what is going on except that you are trying to get me to argue with you. UUUUUGGGGHHH.

You should take the time to read the forum, HILARIOUS. Some don't seem like valid complaints, but most make me feel better about myself that I am not a crazy wife. At least, not in these ways. I do other weird stuff. Like slap my husband with gummy worms. But he got me back by slapping my butt with a redvine. This was not on the same day. I'm sure someone else would find this annoying, but that is why my husband is my husband :)

4 comments:

  1. The dinner one totally. I never care because it means no cooking or cleaning and odds are I can find something to eat wherever we go! Guilty on the compliment one, I'm fine one, and guilty on the eating some of his fries...only because it's fair when you have them in the car and the smell is so intoxicating that I HAVE to have at least a few. The others I have loads to say. I cruise reddit every now and then, and this one sounds hilarious!

    .:Marta:.

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    1. It's a really great thread, I like getting the male perspective :) There are some crazy chicks out there! OR most of the posters are really young. Young people be cray.

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  2. I love this and am totally going to use it!

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    1. I couldn't stop reading it! But it did get pretty repetitive. It's weird how most girls do the same stuff??? My husband really hates the not taking a compliment thing so I've been working the most on that, since he has mentioned it.

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