Sunday, May 24, 2015

Sunday Confessions 5-24-15

Sunday Confessions
My husband has lost almost 30 lbs in the last three months! I am so proud of him for all the work he has been doing to accomplish that. I think he is hoping to lose at least 20 more. We've (I say "we" because I have been doing a lot of the work too: meal planning, food prep, measuring, calorie counting...) done all of it so far just from watching calories and omitting some food items (like fried food and soda). I've been cooking more, and have been trying to make his snacks more healthy, so he is eating less empty calories. I hope that we are making permanent food changes so that once he reaches the weight he wants, we can maintain his weight. We have both been putting in the work so it would suck to have it all undone.

Now as happy and proud that I am, there is also this annoying little feeling that makes me feel a bit anxious. You know the voice, little miss freak-out reaching for bizarre scenarios to make you feel bad and on edge voice. I know it's not sexy to admit insecurites, and it's not even a real one, like even I'm side eyeing the voice. She (I'm going to refer to the voice as a person. Not weird.) is afraid that after he loses the weight, somehow this will be detrimental to the relationship and we will get divorced. You know, he'll go find someone who drives and knows how to put on eye liner. I tried to figure out what I could do to quiet that voice so I researched where I could afford to buy a home and live my life (I figure I need to buy a home for several reasons. One: Turtle. Two: I don't want to squander the money I get from our house sale on rent because: Three: Rent is super high in this city and I just don't make enough money.) I know I can't afford to buy a home and live in my current city, so I started looking outside of California that had the right weather for turtle, and was urban enough where I wouldn't need a car. Yeah, I put some thought into it. I researched until I found an area that had at least five homes for sale in my price range and had a walk score of 70 or higher. So I told stupid voice that I would buy a home and relocate to Arizona. And maybe learn how to put on eye liner. Apparently bizarre scenarios can also soothe little Miss Freak-Out, so there you go. Am I really scared he is going to leave me? Of course not, I'm awesome. And we just refinanced the house, AGAIN. Like, that is a lot of love and paper work involved there. Like I said, it's not logical based on fact feelings, just that weird itch on the back of the brain. But she is being quiet now and we are just doing our best to help with the weight loss.

I will be going on a trip in a week and I'm both parts excited and not. Excited because it's a trip, and not because it's a long ass trip. I'm going to visit my dad up in Redding and that is SEVEN hours away. California is long, baby. I'm thinking I might do a day in my life hour by hour type thing. We shall see. It might just be hours of bored selfies. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's what it would be. I already packed my bag of snacks, but not like, my actual bag of stuff that I need. So, priorities.

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6 comments:

  1. I do the same thing when I go on a road trip: plan all my snacks, what I'm going to take to entertain myself and then when that is all sorted, I pack my actual bag o'luggae.

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    1. Normally I will have my stuff packed a week before, but I think it's going to be hot there so I'm waiting for it to be closer to the trip date to check the weather report. And I'm proud to say my snacks are not candy :) I may regret this choice later, but oh well.

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  2. Hey, thanks for doing the Confessions this week even though I totally dropped the ball and didn't post. Ugh. I had personal and family shit distracting me and it completely escaped my attention!

    I totally know what you mean about the insecurities and stuff - sometimes I think "man, Shawn could do so much better!" - but when you do share pics of him and you, it's so obvious you adore each other. :)

    I would love to see a day in the life type post - except I for real can't do every hour, because then I'd be like "hour 4: I'm still binge-watching netflix. Hour 5: took a break to have a snack and decided I had to know what happened on next episode." It would be boring.
    I promise I won't drop the ball next week! :)

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    1. I may not have next weeks up, maybe if I pre write and schedule it... we shall see.

      No worries on not posting! It's not like blogging is your job :) Life happens.

      If I did a day in the life on a day off instead of netflix for me, it would be internet. Hour one: i'm on my laptop. Hour two: Still on my laptop. Hour three: laptop and watching tv. Hour four: and still on the laptop. Hour five: laptop and cat on my lap. Yeah... The internet isn't going to browse itself ya know ;)

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  3. It's maybe a natural thing to fear when a partner has a transformation? I wish I could lose 30 lbs by cutting out fried food/no exercise! My husband is the opposite, a thin one who can put away huge amounts of food and not gain an ounce. So we have our own divergences where he doesn't get all of my weird diets or why I can't just lose weight easily. (Not that he remotely pressures me to lose weight, I just don't think he has any concept of what it's like to have to work at it). I like planning my road trip snacks too, it's the best part!

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    1. I'm very surprised how much he has lost just with the food adjustment. I really thought he would need to exercise too, and the first week he was trying to add exercise. but then he was in too much pain and said he wanted to lose the weight first, so that way exercising wouldn't be so hard. I was skeptical, but here we are. I really don't know much about weight loss, so I'm learning. Mostly that restaurant food has so many calories!!! Like I knew that, but not to the scale that I do now. Like, chipotles chips have more calories than a mcdonalds fry, what the what.

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