Thursday, January 8, 2015

Meetup.com take 2! part 1

For whatever reasons, my brain decided it was time to torture myself again.

Of course, it doesn't start off like it's going to be torture. I somehow manage to convince myself that I am a different person than I really am.

Voice that hates me: We need to get out more! Be more social! 

Stupid me: Okay! Sounds awesome! Let's do this!

Get on meetup.com, sign up for a group, and immediately sign up for an activity. Five minutes, done and done. I'm so awesome at this.

Lunch and hanging out? I can do that! No problemo. Got this in the bag*.

*I don't really talk like this in real life. At least I don't think I do.

Pat myself on the back. Feeling pretty smug about how proactive I'm being.

One month before meetup: Feeling good. Barely even thinking about it.
One week before meetup: Starting to feel a little uneasy.
Two days before meetup: Stomach doing flip flops and feeling tight. Reach for my phone to cancel. NO. WE ARE DOING THIS THING. This awful, awful thing...
One day before meetup: Feeling physically sick. Stomach is not being my friend. Feelings of foreboding and regret heighten.
Day of meetup: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What am I going to wear? I should go casual. But I don't want to look too young. The group is for 35 year olds and older. What if they call me out for not being old enough? Do I order food first then sit with them or other way round? How long should I stay? Should I arrive late? On time? If late, how late? Five minutes? Ten? Does that even count as late? I've never eaten here. What if I don't like what I order and I look like a picky eater. What if I order too much and I can't eat it all. What if I order too little and am still hungry. Or I'm not hungry and they side eye me like is that all I'm going to eat.What if I get food caught in my teeth and smile too much. What if my face turns red? It always turns red. I don't know how to stop that. Please don't turn red.

WHAT IF I TALK ABOUT MY GOD DAMN TURTLE. DON'T DO THAT. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR TURTLE.

What I need to do is just focus on the friends I already have. Adding more people is just more pressure. More obligations. What am I thinking. This just isn't me. I barely talk to the people that I could try to be friends with now. 

WHY ARE YOU SO LAME. YOU ARE JUST MEETING SOME BITCHES FOR COFFEE. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

Where is enthusiastic, encouraging voice when I need her!!!!





6 comments:

  1. I'm trying to find you on twitter -- how about a link? Thanks! (Loving your blog!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh whoops! i had a link before and i had just deleted it. here it is: http://twitter.com/faerieye

      Delete
  2. LOL That is so awesome! First of all because I feel the exact same way about - well, anything - and secondly because of the image at the bottom you made - find out next week! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've been watching a lot of rifftrax on the really old fifties batman show (that i think was shown before films?) so i think that influenced my choice :) Plus my so called story seemed a bit lame and needed some "pizzazz" as it were :)
      I'm a crazy mess in my brain when i have to meet new people and/or do new things. I'm all about the familiar and routine!

      Delete
  3. I've been to some mommy meetups and pretty much felt the same way before finally going. At least I had Jack to help me break the ice.....and as nice as the other moms have been, they all already knew each other and their kids are about a year younger than Jack, so we haven't really fit in.....my quest for a mommy friend continues!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes I wish I had a baby or a dog because they are awesome ice breakers and give you something to focus your attention on if you are nervous. But yeah, if they aren't the same age that is awkward too! I would think finding a mommy friend would be doubly hard because you have to find one that also is on the same page of parenting style, just another added layer of difficulty!

      Delete