Friday, February 15, 2013

Game Night: Meetup Addition

id love to hang out but
I feel like I haven't really talked about me in a negative way on my blog (maybe that's a good thing?).

I enjoy getting to know the real bloggers behind the blogs I read, not just all the "I'm so happy and positive that I poop rainbows!"kind of stuff so I was thinking I should try to do that.

Not poop rainbows (that would be weird , but tell a story that doesn't put me in the best light.

The problem is that I'm not a good story teller in general, and I don't do very much to generate many stories.

The one that does comes to mind right away is one I've been leery about sharing because I feel like it makes me sound really judgmental.

And I'd like to believe that I'm actually not. This always worries me that this could just be actor/observer bias* in play and I really am judgmental but I choose to blame external forces to explain my behavior. Check me out I know some psych!

After writing this whole thing, it turned out really long (I don't like reading super long posts so I try to avoid writing them). If I came across this post, I would be like TLDR (Too Long Didn't Read) and skim to the bottom to see if the ending makes me want to read the middle so I usually end up reading stories out of sequence so if you choose to do that, it won't hurt my feelings.

The Story

Some time ago I was feeling...
Whats the word for it?

Lonely.

Which, to a very shy introvert (there are non-shy introverts but I am not that kind usually), this was weird.

Like, very weird.

It's not a feeling that I have much experience with. I can spend eleven hours alone and feel like it wasn't enough. I've spend three days alone (not even leaving the house, no talking to anyone, that kind of alone) and felt faintly annoyed that I had to go to work the fourth day.

Yet here I was feeling lonely. I really didn't like it.

So after a couple weekends of this, I made a plan to meet people. How does one (read: me) go about doing this?

Through the internet of course!

So I go online to a website called "meetup.com". I sign up for a few female-in-my-age-range groups and wait to see what activities would pop up.

Not good ones apparently. Or there a very few things that I enjoy doing. Who would have thought little Miss Hermit doesn't like doing things?

Some of the activities:
  • Kayaking Riiight. How about something less athletic, and team work, and less potential to embarrass myself on a large scale?
  • Monday night Bachelor  I hate those kind of "reality" shows. Its bad writing performed by bad actors. Plus, I couldn't care less if someone likes/loves someone and wants to marry them. Relationship drama is the one thing that ruins all my favorite television shows.
  • After work cocktails This sounds okay I think. I normally don't like to drink with people I don't know but I could make an exception... Wednesday at four? What hours do these people work??? Isn't there anything on the weekend? (No.)
  • Three day camping trip With people you have never met before? And now they get to see sleepy face bed head you in all your glory? And you have to spend 72 hours trying to find things to talk about? And probably share a tent? And try to make food together? Sounds like a nightmare. No thanks.
  • Karaoke Ugh, kill me now.
  • Pictionary This one was from an introverted specific group! I don't know what kind of introvert you are but that is definitely NOT something I would want to do. Internet, you fail me.
Then I saw "game night".

That I can do. I love playing games.

I have hosted and been to game nights.

This sounds promising.


I make a veggie tray and print out a map to the girls house. I'm excited, this girl doesn't live that far, this could be good! I have my brother drop me off fifteen minutes after the assigned time. I didn't want to be the first one there.

I go up to the town home and knock.

I am the first one there.

The host greets me and she is wearing ratty pajamas. I start to worry that I mixed up the days. I feel my face getting red and my brain is swirling. She tilts her head and gives me a quizzical look.

Not helping! I feel myself going into full panic mode.

Apparently she was a little confused because I look like another girl in the group and she wasn't sure if she had met me already or not. I let out my breath and my teeth un-clench. First panic over.

So I guess the pajamas are intentional.

I go inside.

This was not December (or November or January)  yet her house was decorated for Christmas.  She had all the cabinet doors in her kitchen covered in wrapping paper (at a distance this looked okay, up close it was a disaster). There was clutter on top of clutter. There wasn't an inch of space available on her coffee table with all the picture frames and coaster sets and who knows what else. My eyeballs wanted to stop looking. There were three folding tables set up permanently against the back wall covered with ripped plastic tablecloths. 

She tells me that she is in between seasonal decorations. She points to two large trash bags of Christmas decorations she has already taken down. I cringe inwardly and hope this doesn't show on my face.

Though I have learned that my face is more expressive than I think it is and it is very possible that I made a face.

Why am I cringing? One: TOO MANY DECORATIONS. There are still (to my eye) lot's of Christmas decorations still up! Two: In trash bags? Is she throwing away all this stuff? Or is that how she stores it? Both horrible.

The carpet is mostly stains. I can't stop staring. I try to find something to say.

I tell her I love the color of her couch.

I think it was suppose to be red.

Its very dirty.

I do not sit on it. If this is any indication of her housekeeping skills, there is no way that I will be using her bathroom.
I'm on ur ugly couch.......  trying to make it pretteh

She opens her fridge to get me a drink and it is packed with crusty looking condiments, suspect looking plastic containers and half full two liters. Its so crowded the refrigerator light offers but a dull glimmer.

I am thinking of my Sims as I have just gleaned one of her personality traits: "slob". There is a minus sign from incompatibility above my head. 
in case you have never played the Sims, it looks like this
I tell myself that this is not a big deal, stop being picky.

*disclaimer* I'm not anti-clutter. I've been to friends houses that are cluttered and I have no problem with it, its when you add FILTH to it that I get squirmy.

Also, I just feel when you are going to have a party or get together, some tidying up should be in order. Everyday type visits, who cares, everyone has dirty dishes and tables cluttered with mail. 

Though if I really like you, I don't notice the mess so I think it's better if I get to know someone before I go to their home.

Okay, back to the story.

I put my veggie tray on the kitchen counter and sit awkwardly on a stool pretending to drink my drink because I do not want to have to pee before I get home.

Finally more people come. One is the girl I supposedly look like. We both have brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and wear glasses. The host tells her that we look alike.

My look alike is not amused.

She leaves to talk to someone else.

I try not to take that personally.

I painfully try to participate in chit-chat. Almost immediately they start talking about being fat and how just looking at food makes them gain five pounds. This is not a topic I can join. I look over to the veggie tray I brought. Great, of course little Miss Skinny me had to bring vegetables.

I'm feeling fairly awkward. Am I suppose to be saying they are not fat? Most of them were not even close to what I would call fat. Or nod in agreement and say "amen sister?" I'm also getting annoyed: do they not care that I can't join in?  My inner self was putting her sassy pants on.

They start talking about the Bachelor. Intense inner eye roll. Apparently they meet here to watch TV once a week on Monday evenings. I look over at her TV. Its crowded on a shelf at an awkward angle to the couch with more knick-knacks and picture frames than the coffee table.

I think my computer monitor is bigger.

They are trying to think of a new show to watch since the Bachelor is done. Without thinking, I suggest Dexter.

Thank you brain, I love you too.

There is a distinct pause in the conversation. I imagine minus signs of incompatibility above their heads.They pick re-runs of Sex in the City. All I can think of is the episode of Its Always Sunny where Dee is trying to replicate Sex in the City and her friend Artemis tells this guy she has a bleached asshole.

I do not share this anecdote.

Finally, game time.
Munchkin Deluxe
I think this is the game I played.
I get grouped with this obnoxious, competitive, I'm going to sulk if I don't win type. Fantastic. Its her game so she is isn't happy with having to explain the rules (read: afraid to give out hints on how to win).

The other group is having a lively game of apples to apples. Lots of laughter and jokes.

My group is quiet and bored, trying to figure out this complicated card game.

The other players lose (happily) and its just me and obnoxious girl.

I purposely try to get my character killed.

So of course I win the card game.

Obnoxious Girl is not happy.

Now I'm at a loss as to what to do. I do not want to talk to Obnoxious Girl any more. Apples to Apples was already finished so I couldn't join them. 

The host is trying to put together a couple of table top air hockey games. She can't manage to screw it open to put in the batteries. Her boyfriend had put one together before he left for Starbucks.

She gets on her cellphone and calls her boyfriend to come back to put together the other one. Seriously? Is she really asking her boyfriend to walk all the way back to put batteries in a stupid toy?

I may not know how to use a lot of tools, or build a house or fix a car engine, but I feel a basic knowledge is necessary. Every girl/person should have a basic set of screwdrivers and a hammer even if you just live in an apartment. And you shouldn't have to depend on your boyfriend for stupid moments like this. You should be able to handle a basic job like opening a battery compartment on a toy. It was new so it was doubtful that the screws were stripped.

I also didn't care for her neediness/disrespecting her boyfriend in front of other people. Did she really expect him to walk all the way back (it was at least four blocks) to put in the batteries, and then go all the way back to Starbucks where he went in the first place so he wouldn't feel awkward around all these girls??? Relationships are built on trust and respect and if you can't be bothered to pretend to respect your partner in front of people you just met, what is that suppose to tell me?

I have no other baseline of information to go on regarding this relationship, so the first view you give me is negative? This does not say good things about you.

I go over to see what she is doing. She is using the wrong kind and size of screwdriver. I still manage to open it in five seconds. She gives me a look I can't comprehend.

"You know... lefty loosey...", I offer weakly but she has already turned around.
GLD Products Table Top Air Powered Hockey - White
There are three lines in the middle, Obnoxious girl decided the line closest to me was the barrier.
I get paired with Obnoxious Girl again.

I think I'm being punished.

She keeps going over the line on the game. My knuckles feel bruised from her hitting me. The cheap plastic on the edge makes little cuts on my wrist.

I am happy for the physical discomfort, distracts from the mental discomfort.

I let her win.

She gets a satisfied smirk on her face. Sassy-Pants wants to get it on with this b*tch. I have been at this house for over four hours at this point, most of that time having been spent with Obnoxious Girl.

I text furiously to my husband to pick me up.

I curse inwardly as to why I ever thought this was a good idea.

Being alone and lonely doesn't sound so bad any more. And I was able to keep Sassy-Pants Heather in check. This isn't a very hard thing, but sometimes I get brave and things get said that shouldn't be said.

So...a win?


Oh, and no one played with the second hockey game.

So does this story make me sound like a petulant teenager? Socially awkward hermit? Your garden variety bitch?

*wanna learn something?
attribution: When it comes to other people, we tend to attribute causes to internal factors such as personality characteristics and ignore or minimize external variables:

Meaning that if someone else says mean things, we think its because they themselves are mean.

actor/observer bias: (opposite of attribution) When something happens, we are more likely to blame external forces than our personal characteristics:

Meaning that if you say mean things, its not because you are mean, but because you were feeling sick that day, or people were really inconsiderate and annoying that day, or your cat is sick and you're worried and your worry and frustration came out wrong, or you didn't get enough sleep because the person next to you was snoring all night. But not because you are a mean person.

4 comments:

  1. I enjoyed this story. I could really see everything happening. Does it make you sound like a petulant teen? Nope. It makes you sound like someone (such as myself) who has very little patience for asstards who have very little sense of common social practices, e.g., cleaning up before strangers come over or putting on clothes for such an occasion. When you wrote about having 3 days to yourself and being annoyed on the 4th day about working, I totally related. Either way, there are times when I meet people and we hit it off right away fantastically and sometimes, it's just not.going.to.happen. because we have nothing in common. Example: people who think "The Bachelor" is quality programming. As for the psychology factor, everyone is mean on some level, I think it's just a matter of finding people who share our own particular brand of meanness.
    So, sorry, long response.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't apologize for the long response! Thank you for taking the time to read through the whole story :) I appreciate the insight, some personalities just clash and there is no hope for a relationship. at least I tried something new and out of my comfort zone even if it didn't result in any friendships made, that's what I have to take from it :) seriously, never again though.

      Delete
  2. I am so surprised you did this Heather! You don't sound bad, just a bad experience! I am just think if this from an online thing and people online can be crazy. It's like the guys Bob plays online games with, not all of them are the best people in the world. I am sure I occupy your alone time now. I am like a cat that you never wanted, but now you are stuck with me! Oh I gotta email you the new cat photos =) Good post! I am glad I read it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any one who knows me knows that this was way out of my comfort zone! Thank goodness you and Eun-mi came into my life :) No more chances of being lonely!

      Delete