Now as happy and proud that I am, there is also this annoying little feeling that makes me feel a bit anxious. You know the voice, little miss freak-out reaching for bizarre scenarios to make you feel bad and on edge voice. I know it's not sexy to admit insecurites, and it's not even a real one, like even I'm side eyeing the voice. She (I'm going to refer to the voice as a person. Not weird.) is afraid that after he loses the weight, somehow this will be detrimental to the relationship and we will get divorced. You know, he'll go find someone who drives and knows how to put on eye liner. I tried to figure out what I could do to quiet that voice so I researched where I could afford to buy a home and live my life (I figure I need to buy a home for several reasons. One: Turtle. Two: I don't want to squander the money I get from our house sale on rent because: Three: Rent is super high in this city and I just don't make enough money.) I know I can't afford to buy a home and live in my current city, so I started looking outside of California that had the right weather for turtle, and was urban enough where I wouldn't need a car. Yeah, I put some thought into it. I researched until I found an area that had at least five homes for sale in my price range and had a walk score of 70 or higher. So I told stupid voice that I would buy a home and relocate to Arizona. And maybe learn how to put on eye liner. Apparently bizarre scenarios can also soothe little Miss Freak-Out, so there you go. Am I really scared he is going to leave me? Of course not, I'm awesome. And we just refinanced the house, AGAIN. Like, that is a lot of love and paper work involved there. Like I said, it's not logical based on fact feelings, just that weird itch on the back of the brain. But she is being quiet now and we are just doing our best to help with the weight loss.
I will be going on a trip in a week and I'm both parts excited and not. Excited because it's a trip, and not because it's a long ass trip. I'm going to visit my dad up in Redding and that is SEVEN hours away. California is long, baby. I'm thinking I might do a day in my life hour by hour type thing. We shall see. It might just be hours of bored selfies. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's what it would be. I already packed my bag of snacks, but not like, my actual bag of stuff that I need. So, priorities.
Read other confessions and link up!